My dirty secret (preg ment)

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.  It has been many, many days since my last internet confession.  In fact, this might be my first.

Are you ready?  I am really embarrassed to admit this, but I feel like I have to come clean.

I want twins.

OK, don’t look at me like I am some kind of ogre.  I know that twin pregnancies are much more difficult and risky than singletons.  I know that wishing for twins is wishing serious potential health risks on your offspring.  Before our first IVF cycle Mr. Nishkanu and I, being research geeks, read up on outcomes of twin vs. singleton IVF pregnancies in Fertility and Sterility.  The results scared the silly bejeezus out of us, making us very conservative about how many embryos we would transfer.  Not that it really mattered anyhow since in the next 7 cycles nothing really stuck around for very long.  But my point is that we have always said that what we really want is a singleton.  And we meant it.

But this cycle, if I look deep in my heart of hearts, I want twins.  Why? Sure, the “heir and a spare” mentality has its attractions, but that idea hasn’t changed from the last 7 cycles when I didn’t want twins.  The reason I want twins is because I am doing DE.  And if I have twins, my offspring will be full genetic siblings.  And after the recent article in Fertility and Sterility described donor children’s longings to meet their siblings, it just seemed like it would be easier for them if they could be together.  Since I don’t have frozen embryos, that is probably their only shot at it.

Fortunately I know a couple of things.  First, that my betas tend to lean more towards a singleton than a twin pregnancy, although you can’t really judge these things from betas anyway.  Second, that I’ll be feeling very, very, very lucky if there is even one heartbeat at my 7w ultrasound.  Third, that how I feel about it does not affect how many, if any, embryos are growing and developing in there right now.  Lord knows if my wanting something could make it so we would not be on cycle 8 right now.

So, please go easy on me in the comments.  And please, for god’s sake, don’t wish for twins for me, in case that actually works.  Because I still do know that it’s not a good idea.

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8 Comments »

  1. Lisa said

    I totally understand! See, the thing with me is that I have ALWAYS wanted twins – ever since I was very young. Ask my mom – I always said I wanted twins! Now, having struggled with IF for so long, I think it’s hard not to think how wonderful it would be to get a two-fer. And then, add in the DE component, and I want it even more!

    But, at the same time, as part of the ALI community, we know so much more than the average person about the dangers of multiple pregnancies. So, as much as I want it, I’m afraid of the complications.

  2. Rachel said

    Is it really that bad of an idea? I’ve sure seen a lot of twin mothers on the forums I haunt lately and they seem happy as clams.

    Personally, we’d be super happy with twins too. Get this shit OVER with. And then there is that genetic connection thing that would be good for siblings.

    Now I have to go read those articles and scare the crap out of myself some more.

    • nishkanu said

      Well… the problem with having been around in the infertility community a long time is that I have seen an awful lot of twins-gone-wrong stories that make the statistical differences between twins and singletons really hit home. Before we transferred two we had a long heart-to-heart with our RE about it and she said “the vast majority of twin pregnancies do just fine.” And she is usually a big single-embryo-transfer kind of gal (but she knew it was our last shot). So we gotta go with our trust in her. Anyway, given that one of our blasts was only a BB, we only had about a 20% or so chance of twins in the first place.

      Anyway, it’s not really something worth spending worry time on if you’ve already got ’em on board, but it is something to think about before deciding how many to transfer.

  3. Betsy said

    I don’t think that’s a unusual thought for you to have! Especially when given the full-sibling connection that you would like for your children to have. I think we’ll be a little sad if we end up pregnant but don’t have twins, just thinking that one of the embryos didn’t make it, and losing some of those faraway hopes we’ve had over the past weeks and months.

    OK, so I won’t hope you DO and I won’t hope you DON’T have two. I’ll just send lots of positive thoughts for a healthy and happy pregnancy 😉

    Thank you so much for visiting my blog this month and being so supportive!

  4. hahahaha I love this post. guess what my dirty secret is?? I want quads!! no, I don’t actually WANT quads, but I’ve always wanted 4 children and if there was a way to guarantee a healthy pregnancy and live birth…yes, I’d want quads…

    I think its every infertile’s wet dream to have an instant family…

  5. and yes, I went through about a zillion elective single embyro transfers because of the risks of multiples…I’m a research geek too and it doesnt help that half of the angel parents I know had twins where one or both babies died. that’s the grim, not so talked about side of multiples.

  6. fertyfirefly said

    me too!

  7. dolcib said

    Mazel Tov!!! Glad to know you are healthy (albeit sore) and happy! Enjoy your time

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