Thank you! (preg ment)

Thank you guys so much for your kind comments on my last two posts.  When I read them I thought I was going to cry.  I logged in yesterday to read blogs finally and my experiences are so different from everyone else’s, either stuck in the hell that is infertility or making their way through a ‘normal’ post-IF pregnancy, I thought nobody would have any understanding for what I am going through.  Chicklet is running a half marathon (you go, girl), while my big athletic challenge of the day is to take a shower, and I have to nap for an hour afterwards to recover.  It really means a lot to me that you all stopped by to make me feel a little understood.

I have now made it to 9w and I really, really hope that I only have 3 weeks left of the bedrest – exhaustion – no appetite – nausea – trying to force in some food and water situation.  The meds help a lot but the nausea is getting worse again, which is to be expected since it is supposed to peak in the 9th-10th weeks and please, God, let it be so.  To be honest it is a little hard for me to keep the morale up right now, I feel very alone in my situation.  My friends and family are far away and don’t really understand what is going on, so most people presume it is “just” regular morning sickness.  I get a lot of those comments like “You just need to distract yourself, then you won’t throw up,” “I know just how you feel, I threw up once a day when I was in my first trimester,” and “Funny, I didn’t even notice I was pregnant until I was in my 10th week, and that was just because my period hadn’t come” (you may recognize these kinds of comments from the IF equivalents “Just relax”, “I know how you feel, we had to try for 3 months before we got pregnant”, and “Funny, when my husband just looks at me I get pregnant”).  I also get a bunch of horror stories about people who were super nauseated for their whole pregnancy and worse, which is super helpful when you are trying to be optimistic, and also makes me wonder a little why in the IF world you don’t often hear “I knew a couple who was infertile, and they spent their entire life savings on fertility treatments, then they tried to adopt a baby but the birthmom changed her mind after they had had it for 3 months already, and then they killed themselves.”  Fortunately no one has tried the classic on me, “You asked for it, you wanted to get pregnant,” because if someone says that to me I will punch their nose in violently while saying “I did not ask to spend 4 years on painful,  intrusive, and expensive infertility treatments, have multiple miscarriages, and then when something finally works get so sick that I can barely get off the sofa!”

Ah, I feel better already just getting that off my chest.  In any case, reading the stories of other women with hyperemesis I realized that I am very, very lucky that my doctor understands the situation and knows what to do about it, other women get to hear “get a grip on yourself, you’re just pregnant,” “eat some crackers and ginger ale”, or “you must not really want your baby.”  And that from health professionals.  Can you imagine?  Well, I suppose with all the cr*p you’ve heard about infertility, you probably can.

I have to admit there is another advantage to being so sick, which is that I don’t have the energy to have dead baby thoughts.  I mostly just focus on getting me through the first trimester, and presume that the little one is going to manage on its own.  I have that feeling of intense fear directly before each ultrasound, but otherwise I’m just focused on trying to get some food and water in.  So that’s worth something I suppose.

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5 Comments »

  1. My cleaning lady recently joyfully explained to me that she knows people who adopted and just like that, they got pregnant a few months after adopting. I love her and she cleans our litter boxes, so I just smiled and said, ‘wow, that’s great!’

    I’m week 8 and the nausea is getting more intense. Actually, I don’t feel nauseous, just a really queasy, knawing almost painful feeling in my stomach. Food is the only thing that calms it down, strangely. And sometimes I am turned off by eating, but hungry at the same time, so I do eat. It’s odd.

    I hope this will be the last few weeks of this for you. Most women do not have it the entire pregnancy. Very much hoping you’ll be in that category.

    Good luck and hang in there!

    • nishkanu said

      I think for a lot of people the primary response to bad things happening to other people is to try to make them fit into their moral order of the universe, i.e. that there is a reason why something bad would happen and by extension that life is actually safe and just. Infertility is one of those experiences that teaches you that no, actually, bad things just happen for no reason. For some reason it is often harder for people just to say “Sorry that things are so hard for you” than to try to explain to you why your situation is fair or how it can be solved by just following some simple rules.

      I have a friend who was matched for adoption and then found out she was pregnant the next week. The thing is my friend had HG her first pregnancy and the last thing she wanted was to get pregnant again. She had to cancel the adoption because she knew she could not take care of a newborn while dealing with HG. She was so angry and sad for months, and I am sure the birthmother was pretty crushed by the situation too. Even though I would have given my eyeteeth to be pregnant I totally understood how my friend felt, it sucks to have your plans for how you will create your family betrayed by your own body. And that is the kind of example that then gets trotted out by others as “see, just adopt, you will get pregnant.”

  2. Kymberli said

    I’m so sorry that you are dealing with HG. My friend had terrible HG through her pregnancy, and just from having supported her through her experience I understand how utterly exhausting, crippling, frustrating, and secluding HG can be. I hope and pray that it will level out as you edge your way out of the first trimester. Thinking of you (((hugs)))

  3. Phoebe said

    I understand more about HG than I care to. I haven’t been through it myself, but I’ve seen it’s devastating effects. Just take care of yourself as best you can sweetie! You’ve got a great hubby to help you through. We are always here for you too!

  4. chicklet said

    Yea, I gotta say I’m more than fortunate (and aware how fortunate I am) to be having the pregnancy I am. I had nausea, but obviously nothing like what you’re going through cuz I could still move, but I really believe you can’t just “distract yourself” – some people genuinely suffer horridly, and you have to do whatever you can to just get through your day.

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